Woo hoo, it's Friday!

Dear Husband, We leave on Sunday for a week in SF. I'm excited! Are you? Dear Kitties, I'm going to miss your sweet faces and cuddles SO MUCH! but Nana will take good care of you, promise. Dear Friends, I'm addressing you as friends, not readers, because after all of your sweet words on my post on Wednesday, I consider you to be friends, not just readers. Thank you and I love you. Dear work, please don't self-destruct or have too much waiting for me after this little vacay. It is much needed, but I'm dreading everything that I'll come back to. Dear back, Less than 6 weeks until surgery. I sure will be glad when you're better again. (although I don't remember the last time you didn't hurt me). Dear running shoes, Be prepared. 6 weeks + 2-3 months and we'll have lots and lots of standing dates. Dear Ken, Thank you for always being there and loving me - even when I go psycho bitch and freak out on you. You really are the best I could have ever hoped for!   Favorite thing about today: Today is a half day and I won't be back here until Tuesday, September 4th! Woo hoo for vacations!   Favorite recent purchase: This beauty: (jacket, not the model)  

Struggling

Y'all, I've been struggling lately.
As I've said a few times, I've been in a funk. Not a "won't get out of bed, won't take a shower, crying all the time" funk, but a funk none the less.

I've been stressed out with work, which puts me on edge. Something about having someone reporting to you that adds to your stress - especially if they're not performing as they should be. (And especially in a Japanese company where the Japanese mindset is that if my subordinate isn't being successful, it is my fault because I am failing him as his supervisor)

I've been having jealous feelings that I HATE. I look at all my pregnant friends and blog friends and get angry and sad and then sick to my stomach. None of this is directed at them (because, believe me, I am endlessly happy for them), but at the world in general ... because I'm not pregnant and I want to be. The logical part of my brain says, "But you have to wait until your back is fixed and the doctor says it is ok". The other part of my brain says, "But I want it now!" (said in my most Veruca Salt voice)

Coupled with the stress from work and this crazy jealousy, I slowly feel like I'm losing my mind. To top that all off, I'm nervous for my surgery. I know my husband is nervous. I know my mom is nervous. I'm not sure if anyone else in my family knows beyond them.

I had a full-blown freak out Monday night. Hubby was running a software update at work and it wasn't going smoothly. I texted him and called him to see when he'd be coming home, but I never heard from him after 8. Cue freakout. I couldn't reach him, so of course, I was imagining the worst - him laying in a ditch somewhere. Around 11:30, he FINALLY picks up his phone and I flip shit on him, bawling hysterically. Not my best moment. We talked about it last night after I had a crappy day at work (back pain, 4 hours of sleep, and a migraine from all the crying), and he took me out for Mexican to make it up to me.

The best news? I got my "friend" this AM ... which actually partially explains my freakout. Hopefully my emotions will return to a normal state now. (I swear, my birth control wreaks havoc with my emotions)

I contemplated hitting "publish" on this post because I feel like it makes me look like a bad person and a bad friend. But then I thought again - and it makes me real. Listen, I don't know if any of you have these feelings or whatever - but we have to be able to talk about them. We can't bottle them all up inside. It took a lot for me to actually expose this and let you know that I'm not perfect (and in fact, I'm far from it) ... 

so if you don't have anything nice to say, please keep it to yourself. Or you'll be the one I flip shit on next ... and I don't love you like I love my husband, so it won't be pretty!

Sometimes and Always ...

Sometimes ... I get mad at my husband.

Always ... I remember that I love him and eventually forgive him.

Sometimes ... I am exhausted and have a migraine and want nothing more than to go home and crawl back into bed.

Always ... I come to work anyway because a) I have shit that needs to get done - especially since I'm out next week. and b) I don't get sick days and refuse to waste a vacation day when I'm sick.

Sometimes ... I schedule a trip and I'm just not excited for it like I should be.

Always ... I go anyway ... and end up having a good time.

Sometimes ... a card from a best friend can make your entire day.

Always ... actually, it ALWAYS makes my day.

I've started journaling at the advice of the same best friend, so hopefully I can get my thoughts out on paper and begin to feel more like myself.

As a side note, hubby and I are headed to San Francisco next week. He's got a work thing all day, so I'm on my own. Any SF bloggers want to meet up? Anyone have suggestions for things to do in SF?

It's OK

It's OK ...   ... that I said I wasn't going to blog until I felt like myself again   ... that I changed my mind because maybe blogging can help me feel like myself again   ... to be SO incredibly disappointed in a meal at a restaurant  (story time: Our favorite local Italian place is closed for the week because the family is on vacation. I had a craving for eggplant parm last night, so we decided to go to another local Italian place. They were out of eggplant and out of sub rolls, which basically eliminated anything I would normally order. so I decided to mix it up and get cheese fries and a grilled buffalo chicken sandwich. First of all, I despise un-spicy buffalo wing sauce. And theirs is borderline barbeque sauce. Second of all, their fries looked like they'd been beer battered or something. So that was disappointments #3 and #4. Then I decided to get tiramisu, because it's my favorite dessert. Disappointment #5. It was frozen. Disappointment #6? This meal cost almost 2x what it would have cost at our favorite place. I can't wait until they're open again.)   ... to be excited about my new ice cream machine. I have BIG plans for this beauty, starting with pumpkin frozen yogurt.

... to be relieved that I've finally scheduled my spine surgery. October 3rd (a Wednesday) I will be having my L5-S1 spine fusion. Prayers, good thoughts (whatever you believe in) would be GREATLY appreciated.  

... to be nervous about my surgery. However, it is going to be less invasive than I originally thought because the rest of my spine is so healthy (you know, except those pesky fractures). Because of that, he doesn't have to go near my disks, so it will just be 4 screws, 2 rods, and some bone grafts and two small 1 1/2" incisions - one on either side of my spine.

... to have so much that you want to do around the house on the weekend, but Saturday morning rolls around and you want to do nothing but lay around, watch TV, and read. It's nice to relax, but I really need to start getting shit done!

Not myself ...

Just dropping by to let y'all know that I'm not feeling like myself right now. Rather than put crap that I'm not proud of or happy with on my blog, I'd just rather not post anything until I'm feeling more normal again. Hopefully I'll be back next week.

Sometimes ... and Always ...

Sometimes ... I am in so much pain that it literally takes everything I have to get out of bed.

Always ... I can usually figure out the reason. Today was because its going to rain. (and the only reason I know that - because I never watch the weather - is because it started to rain on my way to work)


Sometimes ... I need a break.

Always ... I can't always take it, but I certainly try.


Sometimes ... I feel overwhelmed by things.

Always ... that's when I lean on my friends and my husband for support.


Sometimes ... this post is kind of depressing

Always ... that's how life is - it's not always butterflies and roses.


Sometimes ... a great song comes on Pandora and I start singing and dancing.

Always ... it cheers me up. Sometimes putting your Pandora presets on shuffle is better than any anti-depressant.

These are some of the songs that I've been getting down to in my car lately:

What songs have YOU been jamming to lately?

Friday ... finally

Dear Husband: I'm sorry we've both had pretty crappy weeks. Hopefully this weekend will be good and next week will be better. Dear Friday: Took you long enough. Dear Lady at Karaoke Last night: honey, you were NOT as good as you thought you were, and your warbling was cringe-inducing. Dear friends: I am in desperate need of cheering up. So who wants to come visit? ;) Dear fur babies: I love how excited you get when I bring you home a new toy. The one I bought yesterday was SO worth $6 just to see how much you all love it and how you share! Dear Chelsea: thank you for my amazing blog design. I'm in love. Dear Husband: Thank you for dealing with my freakout yesterday morning. Especially the part with me waking you up before 6. You're a keeper! ;)

Oh, and a couple of Friday Faves thrown in there ...

Favorite New (to me) Product: Wen cleansing conditioner. I got a sample in the mail, used it this morning, and I love it. However, I recently saw Ren cleansing conditioner at my local CVS for $10 (significantly less than the $45 price tag for the Wen). So I will be getting some. You know me - I'm a bargain beauty kind of girl (like my favorite Bargain Blonde, Lindsey - but I don't quite have her skills). I will definitely be posting a review once I use the Ren for a while.

Favorite Look (currently): skinny jeans, a tank, and a cardigan. I can't wear a tank to work (dress code here is always casual Friday), and I love cardis, so I usually just throw one over whatever tank I'm wearing ... then I can take it off when I go outside and start to sweat (I'm sorry, glisten) instantly. Oh, and below is literally what I am wearing today. From Old Navy. Total of like $28 if you go buy it right now.

today by jessica-lynn-slish featuring jersey tops

Thursday Randoms ...

So first of all ... I am SO ANGRY at Amazon right now. Ok, maybe I'm not THAT angry. But I AM super annoyed. I have a Prime account. That means that I pay a significant chunk of change to get free 2 day shipping on eligible items. What I DON'T appreciate is when I request my 2 day shipping ... and it takes a week for the item to come. NOT a fan Amazon, not a fan.
Second, as far as I'm concerned, fall weather needs to be here NOW. See, today is the start of the Steelers pre-season games.

Source: etsy.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Third, I've really been in a funk lately. I'm not sure everything that is causing it, but I do know that my back is a good part of it. It is so depressing to be in constant pain. and my back pain is causing other things in my life to be not what I want them to be. and I'm getting impatient.
Fourth, I had some pretty awesome purchases at Target yesterday ... on my $80 trip. It is very rare for me to leave Target under $20. How do they do it??

$20 ... only $5 off, but I love these shoes!

but THIS was the big deal. $30 purse down to $9. I'll take it!

and finally Fifth, I'm thinking of running a trail 5K on Sept 16th. I'm not scheduling my surgery until October sometime when my work projects slow down, and my doctor says I can do what I want but to stop if I have pain. Well, I have pain just walking, sitting or laying ... and I want to do this.

Oh How Pinteresting!

I am so ready for fall ... as evidenced by my recent outfit pins:

Source: polyvore.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: jenniferleger.polyvore.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: polyvore.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: polyvore.com via Jessica on Pinterest

That time I walked through a super sketchy neighborhood ...

Welcome to my blog ...

For those of you who are not new here ... notice anything new? ;)

Some randomness about me ...

1. I read all the time ... and quickly. I read 2 1/2 books on Sunday.
2. I only regularly talk to one person that I graduated high school and/or college with - my BFF Juli. The others are just "hi, how are you?" in passing.
3. Both my husband and I were engaged to other people before we met. and both were when we were in college. I broke things off with my fiancee and met my now-husband less than a month later.
4. I am afraid of the dark, bugs, snakes, heights, thunder and lightning, strong winds, crossing bridges, clowns ... and a multitude of other things.
5. Even though I've lived in PA my WHOLE life, I have an accent like no one else in this area (or any other part of the country, best I can tell). I also (thanks to blogging) randomly break out some "y'all" in every day conversation.
6. I cannot tie my shoes normally or hold a pen/pencil normally. I learned my own methods and I can't change them.
7. I love office supplies. It is a happy day when I get new pens or a notebook or post-its.

Thanks for visiting, and I hope you'll stick around!



Sometimes ... You have an awkward first blate.

Always ... The second one will be better. After all, next time you won't choose a city that has NOTHING (no matter WHAT their Chamber of Commerce site tells you), walk through a super sketchy neighborhood to get some Mexican food, or have to have the awkward "getting to know you" convo. (even if it WAS awkward, it was still great to meet you Faith and Sean)

mixing it up ...

Always ... I intend on making a healthy dinner. Like last night's shrimp stir fry - made with no oil and brown rice.

Sometimes ... I get a craving for something unhealthy (such as an eggroll) and end up going to the store or to get takeout and getting completely unhealthy things to go with said healthy dinner. Like last night. I HAD to have an eggroll ... but I couldn't just get 2 eggrolls (you know, one for each of us) ... so I also got an order of crab rangoon and sweet and sour chicken. Ugh ... healthy eating FAIL.



Oh ... and one last thing (you know, in case this post wasn't full enough already)

Kristin, from Live, Laugh, Love gave me the Versatile Blogger award! Thank you pretty lady!

1)  Thank the blogger who nominated you! (See above)
2)  Include a link to their site.  (See above)

3)  Include the award image in your post.  (See above)

4) Write 7 random facts about yourself. (Do I really need to say it again? See above)

5) Nominate 15 other bloggers.

I nominate ...

ALL OF YOU! :o)

Mascara and Lip Gloss Swap Reveal

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For this swap, hosted by the lovely Meg, Tara, and Holly, I was paired with Kerbi.

Kerbi is a super sweet girl and I LOVED shopping for her. Truth be told, I love shopping for anyone, but I really enjoyed shopping for her because her likes are so much like mine.

Below is what she got me ... make sure you head over to her blog and see what I got her!

Since, of course, it was a MASCARA and lipgloss swap - I got this mascara. I started using it the next day, and I LOVE it!

and here is the requisite lipgloss ... oh my goodness ... it smells good enough to eat. and makes me lick my lips when I'm wearing it. How safe is it to ingest large amounts of lipgloss?

Some adorbs HK lip balms ... because we ALL know I have addictions to both HK and lip balm

and last but not least, some yummy non-chocolate candies (because I'm not a fan of chocolate) ... these may or may not have been all eaten in one sitting. But I'm blaming hubby for eating half the pack. ;)

And much thanks to our beautiful hosts!

Love

Reading news updates on the Olympics, I just had to share this ... 

THIS is what love looks like.

I mean, look at how they're embracing each other ... at the spur of the moment, celebrating. It wasn't planned, it wasn't staged. That is how you know that those two have real, true, honest love.

Friday Faves

Fave News:
I have two choices concerning my back - deal with the pain or have surgery. So I think we ALL know what I'm choosing. The surgery will be less invasive than he originally thought because my spine is in great shape - except those pesky little fractures. So he won't have to touch the disc at all. Now to decide when I want to get it done ...

Fave Thought (regarding my back):
I can always get a low back tattoo to hide the surgery scars.



Fave Beauty Moment:
Tie between my brow wax (Ulta's Benefit Brow Bar is amazeballs) and my new hair cut/color

Fave Olympic Moment:
why yes, I did cry.

Fave thing in the near future:
blate with this gorgeous chica and her husband ... tomorrow! Eeep! So excited!